


Digital Love

by wocket



Category: Real Person Fiction, dylric - Fandom
Genre: AOL Instant Messenger, Catfishing, Chatting & Messaging, Cybersex, Dylric, First Time, Halloween, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 04:22:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20558168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wocket/pseuds/wocket
Summary: Dylan starts chatting with his dream girl on AOL Instant Messenger. The only problem? The chick he's falling for is actually Eric - who may not be able to keep his secret.





	Digital Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dirtybandaid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtybandaid/gifts).

Eric clicks the America Online icon. The familiar sound of a dial tone rattles through his computer speakers, followed by a series of digits then a frenzy of tones and beeps as the modem attempts to communicate with the phone line. The modem connects.

Eric maintains a couple of fake identities, aliases, different screen names - whatever you want to call them - for various reasons. Pranks. Research. Cybersex. Sometimes he just likes the anonymity. It’s been one hell of a boring summer.

Instead of logging into his primary screen name, **Rebldomakr**, he selects **ravensong**. 

Eric starts scrolling through the list of open chat rooms on AOL. He finds one advertising for lonely singles and joins the room. 

[OnlineHost: ***You are in “Lonely Hearts”.***]  
[OnlineHost: ravensong has entered the room.]

Eric watches the chat for a few minutes, reading new messages as they pop up. He peruses the list of 13 users, spying a familiar screen name among them - **VoDkA**. What the hell was Dylan doing in this chat room?

A private chat from **VoDkA** bounces onto his screen, a small noise accompanying the message. Eric is amused; he’d filled Raven’s profile with the most stereotypical goth girl shit he could think of. Dylan must have eaten it up. If Eric knows him, he’s rereading the profile over and over again.

[VoDkA: hello]  
[ravensong: :) hi]  
[VoDkA: asl?]  
[ravensong: 16/f/SLC]  
[ravensong: hbu?]  
[VoDkA: 15/m/colorado]  
[VoDkA: i’ll be 16 soon]  
[ravensong: sweet]  
[VoDkA: nice to e-meet you]  
[ravensong: likewise]  
[VoDkA: so what brings you here]  
[ravensong: “lonely hearts”]  
[ravensong: what do you think]  
[VoDkA: touche]  
[ravensong: what part of colorado are you from?]  
[VoDkA: a hellhole called littleton]  
[ravensong: sounds miserable]  
[VoDkA: slc is salt lake city? how’s that?]  
[ravensong: not much better]  
[VoDkA: what kind of music are you into]  
[ravensong: techno]  
[VoDkA: that’s cool]  
[VoDkA: me too]  
[VoDkA: chemical brothers?]  
[ravensong: ya definitely]  
[ravensong: so what about you, “VoDKa”?]  
[ravensong: why are you here?]  
[VoDkA: deep question]  
[ravensong: lol]  
[ravensong: you know what i mean]  
[VoDkA: just hoping to meet interesting people]  
[VoDkA: looks like it worked]  
[VoDkA: what’s your name?]  
[ravensong: raven]  
[VoDkA: i’m dylan BTW]  
[VoDkA: add me on AIM??]

*

Dylan clicks her buddy icon and reads Raven’s profile over and over again. She sounds perfect, smart but moody. She’s basically a goth princess, and Dylan is enamored already.

*

**Profile for: ravensong**

_Member Name: raven  
Location: SLC  
Birthdate: aries  
Sex: Female  
Marital Status: (very) single  
Hobbies: music (techno, industrial), piercings: a few ;)  
Personal Quote: FUCK SOCIETY  
_

*

Summer ends, and what had started out as a way to pass the time doesn’t. Chatting over the summer had become a routine for them, one that continues even after school starts again in the middle of August. Dylan is excited to go home at the end of every day and hop on his computer - and so is Eric, even if Dylan doesn’t know it’s really him.

[VoDkA: hey!]  
[ravensong: hey dylan]  
[ravensong: how’s life in 11th grade?]  
[VoDkA: lamenting the loss of summertime]  
[VoDkA: in other words, school sucks]  
[VoDkA: is it any better in utah?]  
[ravensong: no not really]  
[ravensong: no friends you wanted to see?!]  
[VoDkA: i saw the ones that mattered over the summer]  
[VoDkA: anyway i’m kind of a computer geek]  
[ravensong: one day everyone else will be working for you]  
[ravensong: wait and see]  
[VoDkA: maybe]  
[VoDkA: so… piercings?]  
[VoDkA: i was looking at your profile]  
[ravensong: what do you want to know?]  
[VoDkA: your profile says you have a few]  
[ravensong: yep]  
[VoDkA: where are they?]  
[ravensong: =] why don’t you guess?]  
[VoDkA: i bet you like causing trouble, don’t you?]  
[ravensong: absolute and utter mayhem]  
[ravensong: ;)]  
[VoDkA: i want to know everything about you]  
[VoDkA: favorite color?]  
[ravensong: purple - you?]  
[VoDkA: green]  
[VoDkA: any pets?]  
[ravensong: just a ball python]  
[VoDkA: biggest fear?]  
[ravensong: hey, not so fast]  
[ravensong: you ask a lot of questions]  
[ravensong: you can’t get away without answering them too, it’s only fair]  
[ravensong: do you have any pets?]  
[VoDkA: a cat named rocky]  
[VoDkA: okay, um… birthday?]  
[ravensong: i’m an aries]  
[VoDkA: my best friend was born in april too]  
[ravensong: best friend?? tell me about him. you made it sound like you were a big loner]  
[ravensong: i hope it’s a him and not a her]  
[VoDkA: i mean, i am kind of a loner. i don’t think most people “get” me. but eric is cool]  
[VoDkA: he’s funny and extremely clever for a high schooler]  
[VoDkA: i think you would like him]  
[ravensong: is he cute??]  
[VoDkA: uh i don’t really swing that way]  
[VoDkA: but i’d date him if i were a girl XD]  
[ravensong: don’t make me jealous]  
[VoDkA: funny, i was about to say the same to you]

*

Friday night; nothing to do, nowhere to go. It’s the same boring shit as usual. Eric is driving around with Dylan in the passenger seat, music blaring.

Eric notices Dylan checking the clock on the dash repeatedly. “You got somewhere to be?”

“No. Just thinking about getting online,” Dylan answers absent-mindedly. He looks a little embarrassed. 

“Seriously?”

“Why not?” Dylan shrugs. “There’s nothing happening here anyway.”

“Sorry I’m not entertaining enough for you.”

“Don’t be a jerk,” Dylan complains. “It’s not like we won’t chat anyway.”

“This is true,” Eric admits with a grin. ”Fine. I’ll take you home.”

Dylan finally smiles.

*

[ravensong: what’s up, dylan?]  
[VoDkA: not much]  
[VoDkA: timothy mcveigh was sentenced to death today]  
[ravensong: i saw]  
[VoDkA: wait you know who he is?]  
[ravensong: he bombed that building in oklahoma like 2 years ago right?]  
[VoDkA: the Murrah building in OK City]  
[VoDkA: the trial was in denver though]  
[VoDkA: it would be the first federal execution since 1963 if they really go through with it]  
[VoDkA: i wonder if they’ll put it on TV]  
[ravensong: would you watch?]  
[VoDkA: i’m not afraid to see someone die]  
[VoDkA: what do you think?]  
[ravensong: what do i think about the death penalty? or watching it on television]  
[VoDkA: death penalty]  
[ravensong: it’s a cruel and unusual punishment]  
[VoDkA: really?]  
[ravensong: no]  
[ravensong: =P]  
[VoDkA: you almost had me for a second there raven]  
[ravensong: i mean in one way they get what they want, don’t they? doesn’t it inspire sympathy?]  
[VoDkA: state-assisted suicide, another step on the journey to martyrdom]  
[ravensong: it’s less about justice more about revenge]  
[VoDkA: eye for an eye]  
[ravensong: …so you like murderers]  
[VoDkA: well]  
[VoDkA: maybe not when you put it like that]  
[ravensong: dark stuff]  
[VoDkA: does that scare you?]  
[ravensong: nope]  
[ravensong: didn’t mcveigh keep explosives hidden in his mom’s garage?]  
[VoDkA: yep yep]  
[ravensong: what’s the worst thing hidden in your house? ;)]  
[VoDkA: tough. um, liquor]  
[ravensong: boring… c’monnn]  
[VoDkA: promise you won’t tell? or judge me]  
[ravensong: of course not]  
[VoDkA: well]  
[VoDkA: i might have some bondage porn]  
[ravensong: that’s it?]  
[ravensong: damn dylan]  
[ravensong: here you had me thinking you were into some fucked up shit]  
[VoDkA: :|]  
[ravensong: so why’d mcveigh do it]  
[VoDkA: a lot of reasons]  
[VoDkA: waco]  
[VoDkA: ruby ridge]  
[VoDkA: the government needs to be held accountable for their actions]  
[ravensong: goddamn right]  
[VoDkA: did you know mcveigh drove to waco during the siege? can you imagine being there during one of the worst disasters in american history?]  
[ravensong: witnessing history]  
[VoDkA: then making it]

*

Dylan’s week is treacherous, and he’s so damn distracted all the time that by the time the weekend rolls around he bails on Eric without a moment’s hesitation.

*

[Rebldomakr: VODKA are we drinkign tonight]  
[VoDkA: idk]  
[Rebldomakr: what? =0]  
[Rebldomakr: i thought we had plans]  
[VoDkA: i’m not feeling up to it]  
[Rebldomakr: …]  
[Rebldomakr: u okay man?]  
[VoDkA: i guess]  
[Rebldomakr: …okay]  
[VoDkA: another time]  
[Rebldomakr: you know it]

*

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Eric says out loud after reading Dylan’s IM. 

His annoyance doesn’t completely outweigh his concern for Dylan, so he logs off and logs back in as Raven after he’s waited long enough for the timing to not be suspicious. Eric wonders why Dylan is willing to talk to Raven but not him right now, but he pushes the thought to the back of his head and tries not to let it bother him.

*

[ravensong: hey vodka]  
[ravensong: =] how you doing?]  
[VoDkA: honestly?]  
[VoDkA: i feel like shit]  
[ravensong: awh]  
[ravensong: is something wrong?]  
[VoDkA: more than you know]  
[ravensong: you could tell me, if you wanted]  
[VoDkA: nah]  
[VoDkA: it’s cool]  
[ravensong: doesn’t seem cool]  
[VoDkA: ….]  
[VoDkA: i just want one person in the world who will hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay]  
[VoDka: my whole miserable, lonely life is ahead of me]  
[VoDkA: how long do i have to wait]  
[ravensong: V]  
[ravensong: i would]  
[ravensong: if things weren’t the way they were, i would]

*

[VoDkA: good evening beautiful]  
[ravensong: hey dylan]  
[VoDkA: what are you drinking tonight?]  
[ravensong: i don’t drink]  
[ravensong: i’m straight edge xXx]  
[VoDkA: right]  
[ravensong: let me guess…. you are drinking… vodka]  
[VoDkA: how’d you know?]  
[VoDkA: :) :) :)]  
[VoDkA: anyway how r u]  
[ravensong: meh]  
[VoDkA: what’s meh?]  
[ravensong: sometimes i think that my dad thinks i’m crazy]  
[VoDkA: i’m sure that’s not true]  
[ravensong: he thinks i’m a piece of shit]  
[ravensong: a no good, disrespectful know-it-all]  
[VoDkA: you guys aren’t very close?]  
[ravensong: hell no]  
[ravensong: my parents don’t know who i am]  
[VoDkA: i understand]  
[ravensong: do u?]  
[VoDkA: i mean, nobody really knows who i am]  
[VoDkA: not my parents, my friends, anybody]  
[ravensong: yeah]  
[VoDkA: not like anybody wants to know anyway]  
[ravensong: …i do]  
[VoDkA: ha ha :-)]  
[ravensong: i mean it]  
[ravensong: i want to know]  
[VoDkA: can anybody ever really know another person?]  
[ravensong: i can try]  
[VoDkA: hey speaking of getting to know you better]  
[VoDkA: i’d love to see a photo of you]  
[ravensong: oh maybe]  
[ravensong: I don’t have a scanner or a webcam or anything]  
[VoDkA: you are living in the dark ages]  
[ravensong: verily]  
[VoDkA: so i just have to imagine your sarcastic mouth]  
[ravensong: oh i see why you want a picture]  
[VoDkA: no!!!]  
[ravensong: mmhmm]  
[VoDkA: i’m not a creep, i swear. that all came out wrong]  
[VoDkA: okay i’m changing the subject]  
[VoDkA: you want to listen to some music?]  
[ravensong: what are we listening to?]  
[VoDkA: chemical brothers, loops of fury ep]  
[ravensong: give me a minute to find the CD]  
[ravensong: do you have it ready]  
[VoDkA: yes i do!]  
[ravensong: hit]  
[ravensong: play]  
[ravensong: NOW]  
[VoDkA: it’s playing :)]  
[ravensong: it worked]  
[VoDkA: yesss]  
[ravensong: lie back in bed and listen and pretend i’m in your arms]

*

Overjoyed to be in a budding relationship, Dylan can’t resist steering his conversation with Eric toward Raven. Eric doesn’t mind, at first, until it feels like every single cigarette break is littered with talk of a girl who doesn’t really exist.

“It’s nice to be needed,” Dylan says, thinking of their long conversations, of the way he consoles Raven when she’s exasperated and the way she makes Dylan feel at home.

Eric flicks ash from the tip of his cigarette and decides to antagonize Dylan a little bit.

“Are you in love with her?” 

“Maybe.”

“Do you really feel that way? Or is that just what you _want_ to feel?”

Dylan crosses his arms and looks at the ground, pissed off with Eric’s philosophical question.

“Sometimes we want love so much we exaggerate our feelings. And romanticize them.” 

“You don’t get it. We understand each other. We can relate to each other.”

“_We_ relate to each other!”

“Are you jealous?” Eric hangs his head. Dylan assumes that must be it, weird as it is. “I shouldn’t have told you about her,” Dylan says regretfully.

“I know everything I need to know about Raven already,” Eric replies, maybe a bit harsher than he intends. The statement’s not untrue.

Dylan begins to stalk away instead of following Eric into his Prelude.

“Dylan, what the hell? I thought we were going to Outback for your birthday,” Eric complains.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dylan responds coolly. “I’ll get a ride with Zack.”

*

[ravensong: hi dylan]  
[VoDkA: well hello there]  
[ravensong: anything special happenin’]  
[VoDkA: uhhh well it’s my birthday today]  
[ravensong: happy fuckin’ birthday!!!]  
[ravensong: so what’s going on]  
[VoDkA: thinking about u]  
[ravensong: yeah? ;) ]  
[VoDkA: what it would be like to hold you]  
[VoDkA: kiss you]  
[ravensong: :* ]  
[VoDkA: please don’t laugh at this]  
[VoDkA: i think about you all the time]  
[ravensong: i think about you too V]  
[ravensong: tell me what else you think about]  
[VoDkA: mmm i shouldn’t]  
[ravensong: maybe you should]  
[VoDkA: if you insist…]  
[VoDkA: i think about holding you, longing for you]  
[VoDkA: touching your hair, your cheek]  
[VoDkA: touching you everywhere]  
[ravensong: don’t stop there]  
[VoDkA: i want to kiss you]  
[VoDkA: stroke your neck]  
[ravensong: …]  
[ravensong: …]  
[ravensong: what happened?]  
[VoDkA: i’m sorry]  
[VoDkA: you probably think i’m crazy]  
[ravensong: never]  
[ravensong: keep going]  
[VoDkA: are you sure?]  
[ravensong: you’re shy, it’s cute]  
[ravensong: would it help if i told you what i wanted to do to you?]  
[VoDkA: … y e s]  
[ravensong: what would you say if i got on my knees in front of you?]  
[VoDkA: nothing]  
[VoDkA: i’d be speechless]  
[ravensong: i’d crawl over to you on my hands and knees]  
[ravensong: put my hands on your thighs]  
[ravensong: unzip your jeans and reach for you slowly]  
[VoDkA: wait]  
[VodKA: i]  
[ravensong: what?]  
[VoDkA: …]  
[VoDkA: i would kiss you first]  
[VoDkA: i bet you taste beautiful]  
[ravensong: *blush*]  
[VoDkA: fuck, i wish you were here right now]  
[ravensong: i’d take you in my hand and feel how hard you are for me before sliding my tongue across you]  
[VoDkA: ohh]  
[ravensong: i’d lick you - slowly at first - then take you in my mouth]  
[VoDkA: *gulp*]  
[ravensong: how hard are you V?]  
[VoDkA: you have no idea]  
[ravensong: ;) hehe]  
[ravensong: that’s what i like to hear]  
[ravensong: i would tease you with my tongue before wrapping my mouth around you]  
[ravensong: would you like that?]  
[VoDkA: mhmmm]  
[ravensong: you touching yourself? thinking of me?]  
[VoDkA: yes ma’am]  
[ravensong: good]  
[ravensong: i’d lick you, up and down]  
[ravensong: take you back into my mouth, down my throat]  
[ravensong: wanna make you feel good]  
[VoDkA: my dick is so hard]  
[ravensong: i’d keep tasting you, hands on your thighs]  
[VoDkA: want to get my hands in your hair]  
[ravensong: that’s all you wanna do?]  
[ravensong: i won’t break]  
[VoDkA: bet your mouth would look so good on me]  
[ravensong: i’d hold you down while i sucked you off]  
[ravensong: make it so you can’t move no matter how desperate you are]  
[VoDkA: damn]  
[ravensong: running my tongue over your skin, across your dick]  
[VoDkA: if you don’t stop i’m gonna cum]  
[ravensong: kissing you everywhere]  
[ravensong: come for me V]  
[VoDkA: holy shit]  
[ravensong: …you there?]  
[VoDkA: mmhmm]  
[VodKA: that was… wow]  
[ravensong: i know]

*

[ravensong: good evening vodka :* hope your weekend is as cool as you are]  
[VoDkA: raven]  
[VoDkA: hello]  
[VoDkA: …]  
[VoDkA: i need to tell you something]  
[ravensong: what’s up, dylan?]  
[VoDkA: i think i’m falling for you]  
[ravensong: you shouldn’t say that]  
[ravensong: trust me]  
[ravensong: it’s better if you don’t think that way]  
[VoDkA: better for who?]  
[ravensong: better for everybody]  
[VoDkA: i’m sorry but i don’t think so]  
[VoDkA: you’re so fucking amazing]  
[ravensong: =/ ]  
[ravensong signed off at 9:30 PM.]

*

Eric’s mouse hovers over the “delete profile” button. He should kill Raven now, before this got out of hand, before this got any worse.

Something stops him, and he exits AOL Instant Messenger instead.

What the hell was he going to do?

*

Dylan checks his AIM Buddy List daily, but Raven’s screen name stays dark. He sits there and watches it sometimes, thinking he doesn’t want to miss it if she signs on even for a second.

Raven finally signs on two weeks later, but when Dylan tries to send her something, he just gets an away message.

*

Eric and Dylan try to resist the Homecoming fever that sweeps up the rest of the school at the beginning of October. They don’t do school dances, or elections, or any of that Spirit Week crap. They _do_ make fun of the people hanging up posters who confuse policy with popularity, sneering behind their backs. Eric is sickened by the whole charade of Homecoming, and Dylan is sickened by the couples fawning over each other. It’s all bullshit.

Dylan is staring at a Homecoming poster with an unreadable look on his face when Eric steps up to him. “You wanna get out of here early?” Eric asks Dylan, interrupting his fugue.

“Permanently? I’m contemplating it.”

“As long as you take me with you when you do.” Eric rips down the poster, crumples it up, and tosses it in a nearby garbage can. “I meant skipping seventh hour.”

“Smoker’s pit?”

“Lead the way.”

It’s a quiet walk through the school and into Clement Park. The smoker’s pit is mostly empty, spare two juniors. The two girls in the smoker’s pit disappear in time for class, leaving Eric and Dylan alone. 

Dylan pulls a Marlboro Menthol from the pack tucked into his back pocket and sticks the cigarette between his lips, failing to light it.

Eric holds a lighter to the end of Dylan’s cigarette before lighting his own.

“You seem kind of distracted.” Eric waves his hand in front of Dylan’s face. “Vodka?”

“Just got a lot on my mind.”

“Well?” Eric motions. “Unburden yourself, motherfucker.”

“I haven’t heard from her in over a week,” Dylan says, his mouth twisted into a worried frown. He looks down at his boots.

“Raven? Maybe she’s busy.”

“It’s just weird of her to disappear like this, that’s all. It sucks.”

Eric studied Dylan as he fretted. He seemed genuinely distraught.

“You’re really fuckin’ into her, huh?”

Dylan pursed his lips and nodded. “I think she might be the one.”

The gravity of this statement startles Eric. Dylan was always obsessed with some girl but he hadn’t expected for Dylan to fall so hard for his fake profile. Hell, he hadn’t meant to become so invested, either.

“How do you know?”

“It’s just a feeling.” Dylan frowns. “I hope she’s okay. I don’t know what I did, or if I said something wrong.”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Eric reassures him, a little weirded out by how much Dylan was bothered by Raven going AWOL. “I’m sure he’s got something else going on.” Eric tries to find some reason to give Dylan other than the truth.

“She,” Dylan corrects him, and Eric kicks himself mentally for the mistake.

“What’s she like?”

“She’s smart and sensitive and funny and she likes techno. And she listens to me, really listens to me,” Dylan opines. “And she’s beautiful,” Dylan sighs.

Eric straightens up. “You’ve met her?”

“Well, no,” Dylan admits. 

“So how do you know she’s pretty?”

“I just know, okay?”

Eric rolls his eyes. At least Dylan thought he - she - was hot. Whatever.

“So what’s so special about this chick?”

“I don’t know,” Dylan answers, a stupid, sappy look crossing his face. Fucking hell. “Everything?”

Eric can’t believe what he’s hearing. “At least try to make an effort.”

“She’s sweet. She makes me feel like somebody.”

“Okay.”

“I just… Raven makes me feel less alone, somehow. I don’t know how to explain it.”

Eric feels a twinge of jealousy hearing Dylan say those things about Raven. Even if they’re really one and the same person, Dylan talks about her with such reverence that Eric can’t help his envy. What feels even worse is how little Eric played pretend. Eric never lied to Dylan as Raven - he just answered the way he always would, maybe with a few little flairs here and there to make himself seem more feminine.

What is it about Raven that Dylan likes, instead of Eric? Eric wonders how Dylan could be in love with one version of himself and not the other. What was so good about Raven? What was so much better about her than _Reb_?

“What about you, Reb?” Dylan asks, turning the focus of the conversation back on Eric. 

“Hmm?” Eric looks up, not sure what Dylan means by his question. 

“What do _you_ look for in a chick?”

What a weird fucking question. At this point he just wanted to get his dick wet, not find a soulmate. He’d fuck anything with a heartbeat.

“She should be hot, I guess,” he answers shallowly, trying to rack his brain. “Thoughtful. Good with computers. Into good music.” Eric keeps trying to name features he finds attractive. “Compassionate. Fun to be around.” The further Eric gets down his list, the more he realizes he’s just describing his best friend Dylan. 

“_Goddammnit_,” he thinks. Eric finishes his cigarette and stubs it out with his toe. “Let’s get out of here.”

*

Eric knows he shouldn’t keep doing this to Dylan, but he signs back into Raven’s profile. He doesn’t want to deprive Dylan of someone he cares so much about - besides, he misses talking to him. 

Eric’s guilt grows, but unable to deal with it, he simply pushes it aside.

*

[VoDkA: i can’t get my mind off you]  
[ravensong: in a good way, i hope]  
[VoDkA: always, my dear]  
[ravensong: i can’t get my mind off me either]  
[VoDkA: what do you mean? do tell]  
[ravensong: i know objectively that i’m an okay person, i guess]  
[ravensong: but i’m an asshole]  
[ravensong: or a bitch or whatever]  
[VoDkA: you shouldn’t worry so much]  
[ravensong: easy for you to say]  
[VoDkA: you’re smart and sensitive but also tough as fucking nails]  
[VoDkA: you care about changing the world but don’t take any shit]  
[ravensong: can’t you take your own advice dylan?]  
[VoDkA: what??]  
[ravensong: it’s easy for you to come up with a list of bullshit when i feel shitty but every time it’s you, you don’t listen]  
[VoDkA: but those things about you are true]  
[VoDkA: i’m worthless]  
[ravensong: okay]  
[ravensong: whatever]  
[ravensong: i’m not gonna fight]  
[VoDkA: seriously what??]  
[ravensong: that’s not true and you know it]  
[VoDkA: i want to believe it]

*

[ravensong: hi]  
[VoDkA: greetings]  
[ravensong: what’s on your mind]  
[VoDkA: just been super depressed lately]  
[ravensong: i’m sorry dylan]  
[VoDkA: do you ever think of ending it all?]  
[ravensong: don’t say that]  
[ravensong: please]  
[VoDkA: it seems like the right answer more often than not these days]  
[VoDkA: nothing would change]  
[ravensong: my life would change]  
[VoDkA: would it? it’s not like you even really know me]  
[VoDkA: it doesn’t matter anymore]

*

Eric slams his fist on his keyboard. 

Dylan tells him things he could never tell anyone else, secrets and wishes and fears, and now he was telling him the most personal, fucked up thing of all, talking about hurting himself, committing suicide.

How could Dylan just give his heart to somebody like this? Somebody that he doesn’t even really know. It makes Eric angry; angry at himself for doing this to Dylan and angry at Dylan for trusting him.

Eric doesn’t want to have Dylan’s life in his hands. Not like this. Not unless… well, not unless Dylan was doing it with complete knowledge of what it meant. The chances of that were slim. Something wells up inside Eric; he won’t admit that he can’t tell if it’s friendship or something stronger. 

What did Dylan expect him to do? Raven was hundreds of miles away and Eric realistically had no way of knowing the information that Dylan had shared with her. He couldn’t just go over to Dylan’s house, concerned about something that Dylan thought he had no idea about. 

Eric has no idea how to find the right course of action. The only thing he can think of is to force Dylan to meet “Raven” in person. He’ll have no choice but to accept reality when he sees Eric instead of a beautiful dark-haired goth girl. This has been going on long enough. 

Eric tries not to imagine all the things Dylan would do to him after he found out: punching him in the face, never talking to him again. Will it be the end of their friendship?

*

[ravensong: i think we should meet]

*

It doesn’t take much to convince Dylan. A time and place are settled upon.

The coffee shop they agree on is empty except for two people, an elderly gentleman sipping coffee and a person sitting in the back. The person stands up, and Dylan recognizes his best friend. Eric.

Their eyes meet, and Dylan freezes. Without waiting to hear from Eric, Dylan turns and walks away, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Eric gets up. “Dylan,” he says, following the taller young man out of the store to his BMW. 

“Get the fuck out of here,” he hisses. Dylan is seething. His eyes are wide and angry, his cheeks flushed scarlet. Eric can see him trying not to shake as he attempts to process everything.

“I tried to tell you,” Eric pleads. 

“You are such a fucking asshole, Eric,” Dylan spits, enraged. “How could you do this to me?” 

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you, V.”

“So what, you thought it was funny? 

“What? No,” Eric answers defensively.

“You don’t have like, multiple personalities, do you?”

“Fuck off,” Eric replies. “No.”

“Then why? I thought somebody liked me for once,” Dylan complains, gripping his car keys.

Eric doesn’t have an answer.

Dylan shakes his head. “I don’t know what’s fucking worse, that you lied to me or that she’s not real.”

“She’s not… not real.”

Dylan raises an eyebrow.

Eric feels his heart beating faster. He steps closer to Dylan, suddenly feeling like he’s shouting. “So Raven’s not a real person. But the things she said… those were real.”

Eric wasn’t expecting any of this either; he thought this would be a harmless prank, a joke with no victim. He and Dylan always chatted online but it never made him feel like this. It never made him want to come home, to end everything else just so he could spend time with Dylan. Sure, Dylan had always been the only person he could halfway stand, but this had turned into something new and different.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say. I’m not doing this in a parking lot, Eric, for fuck’s sake,” Dylan complains, shaking his head. He pushes past Eric and gets into his car, driving off and leaving Eric standing alone.

*

Raven’s username is still dark on Dylan’s Buddy List every time he opens up AOL Instant Messenger. He thinks about sending a message, even after Eric’s admission. Maybe it had all been a cruel dream. 

Dylan considers dragging the AIM icon with the yellow running man into the Recycle Bin. Instead, he digs through his desk drawer for the remnants of a bottle of Smirnoff.

*

It doesn’t stop raining for almost a week straight after Eric’s confession. 

Dylan passes the time by finding ways to ignore Eric. He’s a professional at giving someone the cold shoulder, and just because Eric knows this already doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. 

Dylan only goes to his locker after classes when he knows Eric is located halfway across campus and won’t be able to find him there. All of Eric’s IMs go unanswered, and Dylan’s destroyed every single note he’s tried to pass in class. 

_Dylan-  
Hang after school?_

_-REB_

Eric balls the note up and tosses it to Dylan. Dylan flicks the paper ball off his desk with his thumb and forefinger without reading it.

Eric watches the entire thing, seething when he sees Dylan ignore his attempts to contact him yet again. He scribbles another note in frustration.

_FUCK YOU FUCKHEAD!!!_

Eric throws the note at the back of Dylan’s head. 

Dylan ignores that one too.

*

Eventually, Eric manages to corner Dylan at his locker. He sneaks up on him, starting to speak as soon as Dylan closes the door.

“Vodka? Will you listen to me?”

“I’ve listened to you enough. Your bullshit, your lies…”

“Agree to hear me out. I need you to, man.”

“I don’t owe you shit, Eric!”

“But I owe you an explanation…” Dylan still looks unconvinced, so Eric continues. “I’ll let you borrow the new KMFDM CD.”

Dylan’s been so stressed about school and Raven and the fall play that he’s totally forgotten about the new KMFDM album that came out at the end of September. As Eric watches Dylan realize this, he figures it’s his surefire way in.

“Meet me in my car after school.”

Dylan sighs. There was no point in trying to resist Eric for very long. “Fine.”

*

The rain doesn’t let up after class, and Eric thinks Dylan might not show. Just when he’s about to finally give up, Dylan’s towering figure appears at his passenger door. 

Eric turns the stereo down as Dylan opens the door and sits down.

“I’m here,” Dylan says, sullen. “Are you going to say anything?”

“I don’t know where to start…”

“My life is ruined, start there.”

“No, it’s not,” Eric insists, an automatic reaction even though he told himself he was going to try and listen to Dylan. “Why? Because you were talking to a dude?”

Dylan cringes and doesn’t answer. “So… are you… gay?”

Eric shakes his head and denies it. 

“But you pretended to be a girl.” Dylan tries to process everything.

Eric starts to look sick. “I don’t understand it all, either, man.” He steeples his fingers. “It was a joke at first. But I really liked talking to you.”

“We talk all the time.”

“Not like that. You told me stuff. We had conversations like I’ve never had with anyone,” Eric reveals honestly.

“Because I thought we - me and Raven - had a connection.”

“We did. We do!”

“Do you even feel guilty?” Dylan asks him. He looks crushed.

Eric pauses to think. “I don’t know. V… I didn’t want to keep it up after I saw what it was doing to you. That you might get hurt.” It didn’t seem likely, not with Eric’s terminal schadenfreude. “I feel like I fucked up.” 

“Yeah,” Dylan agrees without hesitation. “Eric Harris suddenly developed a moral compass? You expect me to believe that?” Eric didn’t answer, but Dylan didn’t let him, either. “How long were you going to let this go on, Reb?” Dylan is shaking like a leaf, trying to hide his emotions. “I don’t open up to people,” Dylan croaks. “But I really liked her.”

“Do you want to hit me?” Eric offers after a minute of silence.

Dylan releases a yell, an anguished, frustrated sound. Eric could either be a jackass or a saint.

“No,” Dylan responds harshly. “I don’t know what I want,” he continues, more an indicator of his true feelings than anything else. “I want something that never fucking existed.”

“I can do everything she can,” Eric insists. Like she’s some real girl that he’s trying to outdo. So he’s going there. Somehow this had become less about getting Dylan to see him again and more about convincing Dylan that they had something real. “I meant all the things I said.”

“How am I ever supposed to trust anybody again?” Dylan asks, more to himself than Eric. “I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Stop blaming yourself,” Eric tells him quietly.

“Shut up, Eric. You don’t get to tell me how to feel about this,” Dylan spits. “Who else is there to blame? You want me to blame you? I don’t think I could stand to be in the same fucking room with you if that’s what you want. It’s my fault for being so fucking gullible.” Dylan just wants to know one thing. Something neither of them can answer. “Why?”

Eric stares at his best friend over the center console. It’s hard to say whether Eric’s next move is from frustration or a desire to stop the hurt look in Dylan’s eyes. Hand on Dylan’s neck, Eric pulls him forward and presses their mouths together. It’s clumsy and Eric doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing.

Dylan starts to close his eyes and kiss back but then remembers himself, and pulls away. He stares at Eric in confusion, but he doesn’t ask any more questions. 

Dylan doesn’t think he can take any more when Eric grabs his sleeve as he’s trying to exit the car. Without eye contact, Eric only wordlessly hands him the KMFDM CD like an offering before he steps back into the rain.

*

[Rebldomakr: dylan]  
[VoDkA: give me one reason i shouldn’t block your ass]  
[Rebldomakr: DYLAN]  
[Rebldomakr: don’t fucking block me]  
[Rebldomakr: how long have you known me?]  
[Rebldomakr: almost 5 yrs? which feels like forever]  
[VoDkA: feels like not long at all :|]  
[Rebldomakr: dylan]  
[Rebldomakr: adfhkdgh]  
[VoDkA: why do you always have to hide behind a computer]  
[VoDkA: question]  
[VoDkA: did you create the profile just to fuck with me?]  
[Rebldomakr: fuck no]  
[VoDkA: so what, you just happened to have that account?]  
[Rebldomakr: actually yeah]  
[VoDkA: how did you find me in that chat room?]  
[Rebldomakr: you messaged me first dude]  
[Rebldomakr: remember?]  
[VoDkA: of course]  
[VoDkA: idk]  
[Rebldomakr: you were in the wrong place at the wrong time]  
[VoDkA: you are so fucking difficult reb]  
[Rebldomakr: u think it was easy for me to watch you fall all over some chick you barely knew]  
[VoDkA: are you trying to make this about you]  
[VoDkA: holy shit]  
[VoDkA signed off at 11:57 PM.]

*

[Rebldomakr: VoDkA!]  
[Rebldomakr: you didn’t block me]  
[VoDkA: you told me not to]  
[Rebldomakr: fair enuff]  
[Rebldomakr: kinda miss talking to you]  
[VoDkA: kinda?]  
[Rebldomakr: …]  
[Rebldomakr: okay i do]  
[VoDkA: :-)]  
[Rebldomakr: sooo]  
[Rebldomakr: if you want to talk… i’ll listen]  
[VoDkA: look, what you did…]  
[Rebldomakr: i admit it was kind of fucked up]  
[Rebldomakr: i would be pissed too]  
[VoDkA: not so simple i guess]  
[VoDkA: you can delete chat logs but you can’t delete what i felt]  
[VoDkA: even if it wasn’t “you” at the time]  
[VoDkA: whatever that means]  
[Rebldomakr: do you really want to delete it?]  
[VoDkA: am i supposed to act like it never happened?]  
[Rebldomakr: i thought you might]  
[VoDkA: …]  
[VoDkA: i don’t think it’s that easy]  
[Rebldomakr: hey V]  
[VoDkA: i thought you were going to listen?]  
[Rebldomakr: i never wanted you to feel betrayed]  
[VoDkA: yeah]  
[VoDkA: the part of me that doesn’t hurt so much gets that]  
[VoDkA: it is what it is i guess]  
[Rebldomakr: this is shitty timing but]  
[Rebldomakr: i’ve got a history test in the morning]  
[Rebldomakr: i gotta go]  
[VoDkA: ace that motherfucker]  
[Rebldomakr: thanks… we’ll see]  
[Rebldomakr: it was good talking to you]  
[VoDkA: always]  
[VoDkA: nite, eric]  
[Rebldomakr signed off at 10:41 PM.]

*

[Rebldomakr: VoDkA]  
[VoDkA: reb]  
[VoDkA: what’s up]  
[Rebldomakr: guess who got invited to zack’s halloween party?]  
[VoDkA: …you?]  
[Rebldomakr: you and me, motherfucker!]  
[VoDkA: who did you have to bribe?]  
[Rebldomakr: don’t worry about it]  
[Rebldomakr: i’ll pick you up]  
[VoDkA: no]  
[Rebldomakr: come on]  
[VoDkA: i’ve only had my license for two weeks]  
[VoDkA: i’ll come get you]  
[Rebldomakr: yesss]  
[Rebldomakr: that’s more like it!]

*

**Halloween 1997**

Dylan pulls into Eric’s driveway just as the sun is starting to set.

“No costume?” Eric asks, leaning into Dylan’s window, even though he’s not dressed up either. Unplanned, they’re both wearing backwards baseball hats and black trenchcoats.

Dylan shrugs, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “I’m pretending to be human.”

Eric walks around the front of the car and gets into the passenger seat. It still feels weird to have Dylan pick him up. Dylan had been given a BMW for his sixteenth birthday - his parents had only paid $500 for it and he’d spent the past month remodeling it with his dad.

A group of trick-or-treaters runs through the yard.

“Just run ‘em over,” Eric commands, watching as they scatter when Dylan throttles the engine.

*

Zack’s neighborhood is already full of cars when they pull up to his house. Dylan parks down the street, ignoring Eric’s comments about his underwhelming parallel parking skills.

The boys hear bass thumping as they walk up the driveway to the house.

Dylan goes to knock but the door is already cracked - he pushes it open to reveal a house packed with teenagers in costume: boys in Ghost Face masks from _Scream_, two Austin Powers, and way too many people dressed as Batman. The crowd is mostly Columbine students, some from nearby Chatfield High. There are cheesy Halloween decorations strung up around the room, candles, cobwebs, the usual spooks.

Dylan and Eric’s eyes are both drawn to the girls dressed in skimpy, revealing outfits - slutty nurses and Spice Girls.

Half-interested, half-disgusted, Dylan watches the way the guys and girls grind on one another, some of them practically having sex on the makeshift dance floor. The stereo switches between a plebeian mix of Missy Elliott and Hanson.

“This is hideous,” Eric comments, observing the couples. The two of them stand against the wall and watch as long as they can bear to. “Cigarette?”

Dylan nods.

The back porch, where they find Zack and some of their other friends, is more their speed.

“Boo,” Eric quips, stepping into the crisp autumn air.

“Happy Halloween, bitches!” Zack crows. His mask is tipped back on the top of his head so he can smoke.

“What’s up, Zack?” Dylan asks, pleased to see someone he recognizes at the party.

“Just chilling,” Zack replies, blowing smoke into Eric’s face.

“Nice party,” Eric remarks. Only Dylan realizes he means the comment sarcastically.

“I think some of these guys miss trick-or-treating more than they admit. The candy disappeared almost as fast as the beer,” Zack laughs.

“Yeah, because they’re immature fucking kids,” Eric agrees. “Still dressing up like they’re ten years old.”

“Hey,” Zack interjects, motioning to his monster mask.

“At least you went classic,” Dylan adds, trying to defuse the tension between the boys.

“Yeah,” Eric continues, “not like those sluts in there who would dress up like a slutty vegetable if it got them attention.”

“Those sluts are doing us a favor,” Zack argues. “Halloween is the one night of the year we are allowed - nay, _encouraged_ to look.” He finishes his cigarette. “On that note, I’m about to go do some more looking.”

One by one, the other kids make their way inside, leaving Eric and Dylan to themselves to finish their cigarettes.

Unimpressed, Eric and Dylan wander through the rest of the house, disappointed when there’s no booze in the kitchen. There had been rumors of a keg. They continue their hunt, looking for an open bedroom. The promising smell of weed wafts from Zack’s but the door is locked, so they move on to the next one.

“Close the door. I’m sick of hearing fucking ‘MMMBop’,” Eric gripes.

Eric slumps onto the bed, checking out the room. It must belong to one of Zack’s little sisters. 

Dylan closes the door and starts to take a seat at the desk but Eric huffs. “How long are you going to treat me like a stranger?” He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a flask, which he sips from before passing it to Dylan. 

Dylan reluctantly sits beside Eric on the bed. The liquor is good, but the flask is almost empty. It doesn’t take long to drink what’s left.

“You should come over,” Eric tells Dylan, too scared to ask in the form of question. “This party sucks.”

Dylan doesn’t look thrilled with the idea but Eric presses further. “Would you just stop all this shit and come over?”

“Would _you_ just give up?”

“No,” Eric responds stubbornly. “I’m not gonna.” Eric puts his hands on his hips. “Look, I’ve come into possession of a bottle of tequila. Help me kill it tonight.”

Dylan still looks unagreeable but Eric stares him down until he nods his acquiescence.

“Only ‘cause I want to get drunk.”

“Yess,” Eric replies, jumping up from the bed. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

The two of them slip out of the party unnoticed, foregoing any goodbyes. Nobody will notice that they’re missing anyway.

*

Eric never apologizes, but a nearly-full bottle of tequila gets pretty damn close. He hands over the bottle.

“Are you being nice to me?” Eric shrugs at Dylan’s question but he keeps on after accepting the tequila. “You got anything to mix this with?”

“Can’t handle your liquor, Vodka?”

In response to Eric’s challenge, Dylan takes a swig straight from the bottle. “I just thought you might need it.”

“Oh, you know what I need?” Eric retorts, and Dylan looks down. Eric realizes his playful banter might have ventured too close to flirting and he wishes he hadn’t said anything at all. “I’ll get something from the kitchen,” he says immediately, leaving Dylan alone in the basement. 

Eric returns with two plastic cups, pineapple juice and a couple of VHS tapes.

Dylan mixes up their drinks. His hand is heavy with the tequila.

Eric holds his glass up for a toast.

“Cheers,” Dylan mumbles.

“Hey. Look me in the eye, motherfucker,” Eric corrects him, staring him down.

“Huh?” Dylan asks.

“Eye contact. It’s a requirement.”

“Why?”

“Don’t worry about it, Klebold.”

Eric lets Dylan choose the movie from the stack of tapes, which he immediately finds suspicious. 

“I can’t take it,” Dylan groans. “You don’t have to win me over by being nice and shit.”

Eric grins - Dylan’s onto him. “Worth a shot, right?”

“Just… be normal. For the love of God.”

“No such thing,” Eric snarks at Dylan.

“Normal or God?”

“Exactly,” Eric replies mysteriously, waggling his eyebrows as he downs a hefty sip of tequila. “You set up the VCR.”

Dylan rolls his eyes at the command. “That’s more like it. I think.”

By the time Dylan rewinds the VHS tape and finds the remote control, Eric is sprawled out on the couch, skinny legs taking up way too much room.

“Scoot over.”

“Make me,” Eric retorts before he can stop himself.

Dylan pretends to look at Eric’s legs, pretends to contemplate lifting his legs up versus throwing him around. Just as he sees Eric brace himself for a fight, he snatches Eric’s cup instead, downing the contents.

“Oh, fuck you,” Eric laughs, trying to grab the cup back.

“You have to get up now, don’t you?” Dylan argues proudly, claiming territory on the sofa as Eric stands up to refill his cup with booze. Their fingers brush as Eric takes the cup back from Dylan.

“I will kill you,” Eric threatens. “You’re lucky I like you.” He brings the bottle of tequila back to the sofa, nestling it gently against the pillows between them. 

The movie starts and they settle down, playful energy simmering.

Halfway through the film, Eric realizes Dylan is looking over at him frequently, always turning back to the television when Eric tries to snare him. There’s a nervous energy in the air.

After a few failed attempts, Eric catches Dylan looking, and then he decides to just go for it. Eric closes his eyes and leans in and presses his chapped lips to Dylan’s, quick and painless. It’s short and awkward.

Dylan doesn’t say anything - he just reaches for the bottle of tequila and takes another swig.

Eric wipes his sweaty palms on his shorts. Did he go too far? Did he fuck this up - again? 

Then Dylan sets the bottle down and looks at Eric without hiding it this time. Maybe it’s the first time they’ve ever looked at each other without hiding. 

Maybe this _is_ happening.

Dylan kisses him back.

Eyes open, they drift toward each other. This time Eric moves a little instead of holding rigidly still, trying to move his lips against Dylan’s.

Tentatively, Dylan parts his mouth, and Eric slips his tongue inside.

A reassuring murmur slips out of Dylan, and Eric reaches for his side, trying his best to make this feel good, to feel natural. Eric’s never kissed anybody before except for that awkward, messy kiss with Dylan in his car, and the way Dylan is trying just as hard to figure this out clues him in to the fact that it was probably Dylan’s only experience too.

After a minute they seem to get the hang of things, and Dylan starts to kiss Eric back eagerly.

Unsure of what to do with his hands, Eric keeps one on his own thigh, gripping so tightly his knuckles are starting to turn white, and the other on Dylan’s shoulder.

Eric pulls Dylan a little closer and into another kiss. It’s awkward, and wet, and their teeth clack against each other. Dylan’s so tall that the angle takes some work, but there’s something about it all that’s wonderful that Eric feels like he’s waited for.

Eric’s too scared to touch him anywhere else; his fingers are twisted in Dylan’s shirt more tightly than he realizes. Oops. It was easy to distance himself from this when he was typing at a computer. Now, with Dylan in front of him, it seems much harder. Eric _wants_, he wants Dylan and he wants to be close to him and he wants to know all the things nobody else does. 

The kiss ends, both of them too nervous to keep up. They pull apart sheepishly. Eric wipes Dylan’s spit from his lip with the back of his hand.

Neither one is sure what to do next, so they turn back to face the television. They attempt to watch the movie, neither one able to focus on any of the dialogue over the thrumming in their veins. 

Eric nudges himself a little closer to the center of the sofa, hoping Dylan doesn’t notice. He looks down. Dylan is brushing his pinky finger against his knee, a subtle motion so soft and imperceptible he almost misses it.

Eric reaches his clammy hand out and rests it on his own knee.

A moment later, he feels Dylan’s long fingers creep into his own.

They stay like that until the credits roll to a close, and the VHS pops out of the VCR when it reaches the end of the tape, startling them both.

Eric gets up to rewind the tape.

Dylan watches him as he bends over the VCR, running a finger over his lips.

By the time Eric turns back around to face the sofa, Dylan’s gathering up his stuff in his backpack. “I should get home.”

“Hey, wait.”

A little panicked, Dylan practically runs off, disappearing up the basement steps before Eric can ask him to stay.

*

Friday night will mark the first time they’ve hung out since they kissed last week and they’ve both been looking forward to it, though neither one will admit it. There’s something there, whether it has a name or not.

Friday night comes, and Dylan sleeps over at Eric’s house. They order pizza and play video games until they can’t hold their heads up anymore. Business as usual.

Eric turns off the Playstation and TV set while Dylan takes his shoes off. He’s going to leave his jeans on but Eric is stripping down to his underwear so Dylan does the same. It’s nothing they haven’t seen before.

Dylan makes like he’s going to go for the couch, but Eric - already in bed - pulls the covers back. “Um. If you want?”

Dylan thinks it over for a second before joining Eric, slipping under the covers beside him.

Eric has to lean over Dylan to turn off the light. When he lies back in bed beside him, their breaths sound amplified, overloud in the quiet, dark room.

Dylan doesn’t say anything, so Eric rolls over and faces the wall. It’s impossible to sleep with Dylan this close; his thoughts are racing and his body is extremely aware of Dylan’s every movement beneath the sheets.

Eric feels the sheets rustling and can tell Dylan is moving closer. There’s a warm sensation on his skin, a breath of air, and then Eric feels Dylan’s lips on the back of his neck. Eric holds completely still, unsure if he’s imagining things or not. Then he feels the distinct motion of a kiss, dropped right at the top of his spine.

Eric turns to face him. Dylan is right here, in his bed, only inches away. 

Their lips meet, hesitant at first. When they’re both sure that they’re not about to get pushed away, they ease into the kiss, and it’s better than their earlier awkward embraces. Their touches are subdued but exploratory, and one kiss turns into a second, and a third, and yet another still.

Dylan is his usual nervous self. “Am I doing this wrong?”

“I don’t think so? I mean, I don’t — I don’t _know_,” Eric admits.

This seems to make Dylan feel a little better - the edges of his mouth threaten to turn up into a smile. Encouraged, he leans in for another kiss.

Eric reaches for what he thinks is Dylan’s back. He grabs his butt instead. Embarrassed, he tries to play it off, sliding his hand up a few inches. 

Pretty soon they’re trying to figure out what the other one likes, testing things out with hesitant hands and gentle kisses. Seconds of kissing turn into minutes, then hours. 

Finally, somebody yawns, and then the other. “Guess we should actually go to sleep, huh?” Eric admits.

Dylan nods, a little disappointed - he could have kept this up all night.

Eric lies back on his pillow before realizing Dylan needs a place to lay his head, too. He scoots over and they negotiate the space. Eric’s twin bed is hardly large enough for the both of them and Eric puts his hand on Dylan’s arm before he realizes what he’s doing. 

Dylan doesn’t complain, and he doesn’t say anything in the morning, either, when they wake up side by side, legs tangled together and more of their bodies pressed together than they’d started out with last night. Also pressed against Dylan? Eric’s morning wood. It’s not unwelcome, it’s just… different.

Eric catches Dylan’s eye, and when he’s sure that the other young man isn’t going to pull away or apologize or say something else that invalidates last night, he kisses him good morning.

Dylan meets his lips and his own half-erection brushes against Eric’s. He tries to subtly adjust himself but there’s no way Eric didn’t feel that.

“Morning,” Dylan whispers.

“Hey,” Eric responds in a friendly voice, moving closer to Dylan in his half-asleep state.

Eric has a faint hint of morning breath, but Dylan can’t bring himself to care, the act of kissing still so new and enticing. Slow and languorous, they make out, and things heat up quickly. Their kisses are passionate, and it’s hard to stop themselves from grinding on each other’s thighs, cocks brushing against each other through their boxers.

Eric grinds his erection against Dylan’s. Dylan moans when Eric thrusts against him. It feels good. It feels _so_ good that Dylan doesn’t know what to think anymore. 

Eric keeps his hand on Dylan’s hip, thumb barely brushing against the waistband of Dylan’s green plaid boxer shorts. He leaves his hand there long enough to get comfortable.

Dylan likes this so much, but honestly doesn’t know how this is supposed to go. He just knows he wants more of Eric, more of his mouth, his hands, his touch. 

“I’m a virgin,” Dylan blurts.

“Not gonna let you die one, then,” Eric smirks, unbothered, reaching for Dylan’s waist. He slides his hands underneath Dylan’s shirt and presses them against his stomach. Eric’s hands skim across Dylan’s ribcage.

Eric reaches for the hem of Dylan’s black t-shirt. He pulls the fabric up gently, past the self-induced X-shaped scar on Dylan’s right hip, past the pale skin of his chest. He coaxes Dylan’s skinny arms above his head so he can strip the shirt away from his arms.

“What are you looking at?” Dylan finally asks, nervous and meek, aware of Eric’s eyes all over his body.

“Just taking it all in.” Eric kisses him again, and Dylan runs his tongue across Eric’s lower lip.

“Now what?” Eric asks, watching Dylan savor the taste thoughtfully.

“It’s nothing,” Dylan says, but Eric knows he’s watching his mouth. “Raven was always supposed to taste like cherries. But you do too.”

Eric laughs. He reaches over Dylan to the nightstand and pulls out a tube of cherry Chapstick. He re-applies it.

Dylan grins. “Is that why you’re always licking your lips?”

“What are you talking about?” Eric asks self-consciously, and Dylan leans forward to taste his mouth again.

“You gonna take this off?” Dylan tugs at Eric’s shirt until he pulls it over his head.

Dylan’s seen Eric shirtless a hundred times before, but this time he stares - he can’t help it. 

Self-consciously, Eric starts to cross his arms across his chest to hide his pectus excavatum. Dylan still isn’t saying anything. 

“I know I don’t look like what you were expecting,” Eric says, the silent _from Raven_ unspoken but understood, “but you can touch me.”

Dylan tentatively reaches out and puts his hands on Eric’s shoulders. It’s maybe not what Eric meant but it’s a start.

Eric uses a hand on the back of Dylan’s neck to pull him into another kiss. He leans back and pulls Dylan down on top of him. 

Neither of them knows where to put their hands, but they experiment until they figure out something that works. It’s easy to grind their cocks together, moving against each other slowly. Friction intensifies, heat building, something in them starting to burn.

“Can we get rid of these?” Eric asks, motioning to the only thing standing between them - their boxers.

Dylan nods, and they each stop for a moment to shimmy out of their boxers. Then they’re _naked_, together, and both of them try not to freak out. This was never how Dylan planned on losing his virginity, but now that he was here, he couldn’t imagine it happening any other way, with anyone else.

Dylan kisses Eric again just so he has a reason to close his eyes.

Eric keeps an arm around Dylan’s waist, making sure he stays close, even though Dylan is clinging to him like his life depended on it.

Finally, Eric starts to move. Eric’s hand moves lower and lower, and then he’s touching Dylan’s dick.

Dylan can’t help it, he lets out a low moan. It spurs Eric on, and he touches him with more confidence. Eric wraps his hand around him and slides his hand from tip to base.

Dylan arches up into his hand.

“I’ve barely touched you,” Eric says, amused, watching Dylan.

“Shut up,” Dylan mumbles, desperate for Eric’s touch. He doesn’t know how to hide his body’s natural responses.

Dylan tries to reach for Eric, but it’s an awkward angle, and his grip is loose. “I’m not right-handed, sorry,” Dylan apologizes.

That gives Eric enough reason to push Dylan onto his back. 

“_Don’t_ say anything,” he warns, before going down on Dylan. Eric’s mouth is warm and wet and so much better than anything described via chat.

Eric seems to get off on Dylan’s pleasure, working faster when he can feel Dylan move underneath him or hear Dylan release little murmurs of happiness.

Dylan’s hands fly to Eric’s head, fingers grazing his short hair. He bucks into Eric’s mouth, but Eric doesn’t get mad, just pushes forward and gags himself on Dylan’s cock.

That’s all it takes for Dylan to come in Eric’s mouth with a gasp.

Eric puts a palm up to his mouth, looking around desperately for a cup. He spies one on his nightstand and spits into it, making a face.

Eric collapses on top of Dylan. It’s the most natural thing in the world for Dylan to catch him in his arms as he falls back to the bed.

Dylan can feel him grind against his thigh, still hard. Now it’s Dylan’s turn to wrestle Eric to the covers.

“You don’t have to,” Eric tells him, sincere, leaning up on his elbows.

Dylan just scoffs with a smile and pushes him back down. Hair falling in his eyes, he leans over Eric and kisses his hip, working his way up to teasing the head of Eric’s dick with his tongue. 

Dylan’s hands lightly rest on Eric’s thighs, and he jerks. Dylan pulls off Eric’s cock. “Are you ticklish?”

Eric shakes his head. “Nope. No.”

Dylan puts his hands back and Eric shivers. “Liar.” He’s more tentative than Eric was, but he’s no less effective. He licks and sucks until Eric’s toes are curling in the sheets.

Eric warns Dylan before he’s about to come but Dylan just dips his head and swallows everything like he’s done this for Eric a hundred times.

Eric’s mouth falls open a little, overwhelmed. 

“I love your stupid fucking smile, Dylan,” Eric tells him, silly and sentimental, pressing a kiss underneath his jaw after pulling him back up.

“You’re full of shit.”

“I’m serious. You should be kissed on the daily.”

Dylan kisses the sweet, saccharine words from Eric’s mouth, a chill running up his spine. Sometimes Eric was full of shit, just a big talker, but he sounded serious. Like he meant it.

“When I would think about Raven I would get so depressed that she couldn’t be here, like right next to me,” Dylan whispers. He’s not sure if it’s a good idea to mention Raven or not, but Eric just moves closer and strokes his forearm. 

They stay put tangled around each other until it feels like they have no choice but to get on with the day. One by one they sit up, searching for their clothes. After both of them find a way back into their boxers and t-shirts they sit cross-legged, facing each other.

“I should get home,” Dylan says eventually, despite wanting to spend the whole day with Eric. “Homework.” 

Eric looks disappointed, which pleases Dylan. Maybe he could leave him wanting more.

Eric leans forward to steal another kiss.

“Am I still allowed to message you goodnight?” Eric asks, remembering their late night conversations on AOL Instant Messenger.

“Whenever you want,” is Dylan’s answer. He tries to play it cool.

Eric gives Dylan a kiss, one that stops him in his tracks. It’s the kind of kiss Dylan dreams about - why does it matter that it’s from his best friend?

*

Dylan’s sitting on his bed completing his math homework when he hears the familiar sound of an AIM notification from his computer speakers. He’s just about ready for bed, but he shakes the mouse and clicks it anyway.

**Rebldomakr**. Eric.

His heart gives a little thud, the way it used to when he saw a message from Raven, but it’s not Raven anymore. It’s something better. Something more real.

[Rebldomakr: you there?]  
[VoDkA: yeahh]  
[Rebldomakr: gettin ready to sleep?]  
[VoDkA: yup]  
[Rebldomakr: wish i was beside you]  
[Rebldomakr: sweet dreams V]  
[VoDkA: thanks reb]  
[VoDkA: goodnite]  
[Rebldomakr: <3]


End file.
